First Date Strategies and Tips
July 22nd, 2009. Published under Relationships. No Comments.
Enjoying a successful first date can be very problematic when you find yourself unprepared. The uncomfortable lapses in conversation, clashing views on important topics and general unfamiliarity with the other person’s personality can make the entire event a stressful one.
Though there may be many variables on any given date there are a few very specific first date mistakes to avoid that may help the situation greatly. By following some basic guidelines you and your date can relax and get to know one another while enjoying those activities you love to do.
Preparation:
One of the most important guidelines to follow is a basic idea of first date etiquette. Acting in a manner that indicates that you are a gross, tacky or otherwise undesirable person will almost certainly ruin your chances for a second date. Some basics that people often tend to forget, especially when they feel nervous, can be the undoing of your reputation. Remember that though a gesture or action may be small, the message that it sends is often all too clear. Be sure that you do not ruin your chances by making one of these small mistakes:
* Smelling badly
* Dirty or untidy looking
* Bad breath
* Tattered, stained or otherwise badly worn clothing
* Chewing with your mouth open
* Spilling food or drinks on yourself or the table
* Picking at your face, nose or skin
Gifts:
Whether you’re heading out on the town or having a quiet dinner at home on your date, it’s often nice to present your host/hostess with a token of appreciation and affection. It has been the tradition for many years that a male might bring flowers for his date, this has evolved into all sorts of various gifts over time, but flowers are often a safe bet for a lady.
Picking up a gift for a man is not quite so easy, although it is often a safe bet to bring a bottle of wine when anyone is cooking dinner at home. First date gifts can be tricky simply because there is often little to go on as far as the other person’s interest are concerned. However small or general the token though, the thought is often appreciated.
Conversations:
When you first begin conversing with your date you may find that there are long pauses in the conversation if you do not yet know each other well, this is to be expected. Don’t allow gaps in the conversation to stress you out, instead prepare for these moments prior to your date by thinking of some conversational pieces that might spark an interesting dialog.
When it comes to first date conversation advice many of the same rules apply as with any stranger. It’s important to be polite and try to balance the conversation between the two of you. Monopolizing the conversation, or keeping too quiet won’t give you much of a chance to get comfortable and it probably won’t help your date feel very good about where things might be headed. Before your date, be sure to brush up on any interesting current events and if you happen to know about your date’s interests in advance, do a bit of research so you can show your interest in what makes them tick.
Be careful about how you structure any negative statements when with your date. Certainly you are entitled to your own opinion, but to openly and perhaps harshly reject anything that your date finds interesting might spark a negative conflict. If for example your date specifies a fondness for a certain type of music, do not respond by stating how ridiculous or horrible you find that type to be, simply say that you either haven’t listened to much of it, or that you do not care for it, this can be done without making your date feel irritated.
Romance:
Once you have reached a place in the conversation where you feel a bit more at ease you may want to steer it in the direction of romance. Jumping ahead to quickly may ruin all of your progress so be careful when making any topic switches or suggestions. Vulgarity is often a real turn-off for many men and women and it’s therefore important not to be too graphic with sexual suggestions, even if you are alluding to them.
Another important idea to remember is that coming on too strongly may also scare away your date. Speaking about such ideas as soul mates, or using phrases like my true love are acceptable as long as use them in more general terms. Telling your date that you have already developed strong feelings over the course of just a few hours is often a poor choice and may hurt or eliminate your chances for a second date.
Wrapping it Up:
Unless your date has been truly terrible, you will probably feel inclined to make a romantic move before saying goodbye. Whether you have progressed only to friendly hug, or all the way to spending the night it is important to pay attention to your every move. Remember that this will be the first time you share a physical experience with your date and much of what you do will leave a lasting impression.
The most common way to wrap up a successful date is with a goodnight kiss. The timing and execution of this romantic act is extremely important as it will be the last action you take and the last impression you leave. Avoid coming on too strongly, being too sloppy or too forceful with your kiss as these are often taken as signs of nervousness or a tendency to be overeager. Soft beginnings that become more intense allow you to careful judge your date’s reaction. Remember also to watch your hands; while your kiss maybe welcome an ill-placed grab might not be.
The Second Date:
If your date was a success you should see some definite signs that your company would be welcome again. Whether you make the suggestion for future plans, or your date does, remember to keep calm and not appear overly excited. Appearing to be too needy or desperate can easily undo every single well chosen word or action of the night.
In the end, the best first dates are often a success with a mixture of reasonable preparation and a healthy respect for the other person. All of those lessons on courtesy from your youth may come into play, along with some common sense and the ability to pay attention to the signals your dates gives you. Relax and have fun in your dating life, because however nerve-racking the search for love may be, you can have a good time along the way.
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